Prologue.

“But…I know nothing,” I whispered, feeling vulnerability catch in my throat.

In that quiet moment, the Holy Spirit gently reassured me, “Just be yourself and be honest.”

Hi y’all, I’m Julia, but you can just call me Julie, and I’m going to be sharing bits of my faith journey with Jesus here.

Let’s get to know each other gradually, and why don’t we just dive right in?

So, I went to the library today with my Bible, and somehow, this Bible verse really stood out to me—like it literally sparkled—and I felt I had to share it with you.

Zechariah 13:7 The Shepherd Struck

“Awake, O sword, against my shepherd, against the man who stands next to me,” declares the LORD of hosts.

“Strike the shepherd, and the sheep will be scattered;

I will turn my hand against the little ones.

In the whole land, declares the LORD, two thirds shall be cut off and perish, and one third shall be left alive.

And I will put this third into the fire, and refine them as one refines silver,

and test them as gold is tested.

They will call upon my name, and I will answer them.

I will say, ‘They are my people’; and they will say, “‘The Lord is my God'”

Anyone feeling stuck at the moment?

Feeling like you’ve hit rock bottom?

Are you in a state where you’ve tried to do everything in your own strength, but nothing seems to be working out?

Do you feel like God has turned His back on you?

If that’s the case, I want to let you know right now that God has not abandoned you, and He never will. He loves you dearly, even though the circumstances might not seem like it.

Actually, you should rejoice, because you are the chosen one in this critical moment.

I can already hear you muttering inside, “Easy for you to say.”

Well, I am in the rut myself!

God is refining us in this season, as the verse above suggests, so that we can fully prioritize Him in our lives, exhausting all other options until we have no choice but to depend on Him.

Today I came across Ezinne’s video on Youtube and it gave me clarity and a sense of comfort in resetting my relationship with the Lord once again.

God opened my eyes through her perspective: we often desperately ask for jobs, good grades, and money in moments of need, but there’s so much more that God wants to give us. He doesn’t want us to walk away after we get what we want, which I’ve done—well, maybe not you, but I have, several times.

In Matthew 6:33 it reads:

“But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness,

and all these things shall be added to you.”

Okay, then should we not ask for those things in our prayers? Just like Ezinne, when I first heard this ‘only seek God’ theme, I wondered if God was telling me not to work, have dreams, or ambition, and just pray all day at home.

What does this mean and look like?

Ezinne says she tried to understand how to practically apply this to her life, not just theoretically, which is something I’ve struggled with as well.

Ezinne’s friend told her that:

“Papa was saying that when you first seek the kingdom of God, the main focus on your mind is to just please God, instead of thinking about what you can get from Him.”

Focusing on the supplier, not the supply, huh.

Okay, then what exactly does it mean to please God?

Ezinne says she found her answer through prayer and deepening her relationship with the Lord. But for me, someone who has never prayed properly and was even scared to pray, unsure how to actually dedicate my time to spend with God, the concept of pleasing Him seemed far too vague.

How can I please Him if I don’t even know Him that well? Well, I just said it all.

Yeah! How do I know how to please somebody if I don’t know anything about them?

I felt stuck and unsure for a while because whenever I opened the Bible to get to know Him, I felt like I was reading bits and pieces like a bingo game. Some days the stories seemed to speak to me, but other days I felt sleepy, like I had learned nothing, digging into some kind of fantasy.

Wishing that God would speak to me like I see in other Christian YouTubers’ stories about a ‘personal relationship’ with Jesus felt like a faraway dream. I felt like I was following a sign I wanted to put meaning into, thinking it was God’s will. But in reality, I wasn’t actively seeking or spending quality time with God. Just stuck in the middle, doing nothing.

Maybe you feel the same way too after deciding to reshape your relationship with God and read the Word.

If you’re feeling like you’re in a wilderness, where you have nothing to depend on but God, who seems silent at the moment, we’re in this together. I’ll walk you through the path I’ve been on, leaving breadcrumbs of what I’ve learned and felt along the way in future episodes, so you feel less lonely in this journey. I was so scared and terrified along the way.

I won’t lie, I don’t think there’s been a single day where I haven’t cried. But I can assure you, it’s worth it. And I want you to have faith in the future walks you’ll take with me.

Although our circumstances may vary, I hope you find some guidance in whatever God is shaping within you through these episodes of my personal anecdotes and journal entries that I’ll be documenting from now on. Let’s learn more about our good Father’s heart together and be sculpted into what He desires us to be.

Aren’t you excited? Come on, rejoice!

(Hey, you, I heard you scoff.)

Well, anywho, I pray in the name of Jesus for strength and patience for us all, that we’ll come through this season wisely and be ready to work, representing His kingdom. Amen.

Sending Love, Julie x

.° ༘🎧⋆🖇₊˚⊹˚₊ Side Story.

So here I am,

typing my very first post in what I call my garden, which is really my journey-with-Jesus diary, and I’m wrapped in mixed emotions – a gentle breeze of excitement, a weird sense of freedom to express myself, and an ink drop of worry, all at the same time.

Here’s the truth:

I am usually not the type of person confident enough to share my innermost thoughts on the web for the world to see. I’m just a girl with too many thoughts that never seem to stop, which is exhausting at times. Earlier this year, I felt the urge to start a blog documenting my daily walks of life, but I procrastinated it for the whole year.

Later, I contemplated on the reasons why. I realised I wanted to look somewhat perfect and glamorous on the internet, with that perfectionist mindset sucking the joy out of whatever I do. So only my raw journals piled up in Notion as time went by

As I put off documenting publicly, I could feel the narrative slowly fading away from me, and that fresh prompting to start a blog again felt distant. But the one who finally drove me to drop this first piece of waffle is Deborah b – shout out to her – so I give credit to her and the Holy Spirit, who I still need to know more of. For those who don’t know Deborah – she’s a wonderful sister in Christ who does a faith-based content on YouTube, check her faith talks out if you’re interested.

I think it’s helpful to observe how others build their relationship with God, especially when you’re just starting out and unsure of what that looks like. You can look to those whose experiences resonate with you, or who offer insights that align with your current situation, and use them as guiding lights in your journey of faith. However, it’s important to remember that consuming such content should never replace your personal time spent with God.

Anyway, back to what I was saying—Deborah once mentioned in one of her talks:

“The longer you sit on a God-given idea, the more time and space you give the enemy to talk you out of it.”

That really struck a chord with me. I never realized until then that documenting my journey might be a God-given idea. And the fact that my initial enthusiasm had faded—that feeling of burnout—might have been the enemy’s way of stopping me from fulfilling God’s plan for me. It gave me chills to think about how all my “what ifs” suddenly seemed insignificant when I realized the danger of letting the enemy steal away what God intended.

“I think in our day and age, the Lord is looking for people who will just start,” she said.

True—sometimes, just starting feels like the hardest part.

“Nothing about how God gave us redemption says perfection. Nothing! It’s because of our imperfection that God’s perfection is shown. If we don’t have the right equipment or the right knowledge, we can’t take credit for what we’re doing. And the less credit we can take, the more glory goes to God.”

That made me realise, in my imperfection, I am actually perfectly qualified.

And that’s how this journey began, and how it will continue. To be honest, everything feels a bit chaotic for me, and there are times when I tear up, but I also feel this strange sense of calm and peace inside knowing that Jesus is within my heart.

Anyway, that’s it for today!

Thanks so much for reading this far, and I hope you have a blessed day. See you in future episodes.